the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
