Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
