i love accidental penises.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
