A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
