Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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