I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
