last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
