we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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