He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
