I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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