you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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