is your mom at the bar?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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