Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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