The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
