She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I party with great urgency now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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