Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
