i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
