Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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