It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
