Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
