just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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