Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
