census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
