I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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