he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
