Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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