Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
