It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
