I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
