im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
