How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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