did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
