I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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