Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
