she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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