And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
