Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
