There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
