I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
