Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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