Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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