Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
