just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
