I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
