to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
