I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
