Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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