What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
