Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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