True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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