arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
