he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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