i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
