I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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