JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
