Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
