so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
