it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
