I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
