Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
