i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
