I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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