I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
