the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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