thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
