Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
