used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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