bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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